A long wait.

Last night, we rushed Ben out of the swimming pool, dumped Ben at my parents (telling him we were going to the cinema- we didn't want to panic him) and dashed to the hospital. I hadn't realised, but I'd been bleeding quite heavily and at 17 weeks pregnant, the hospital told us to come in urgently.

Steve parked the car while I dashed in and he joined me in the waiting room. After our rush to get there we sat in a cramped waiting room/ cupboard for around forty minutes. We tried to smile and chat, we tried not to think about what would happen if we lost the baby. Fingers twitched and feet tapped anxiously.

We were then taken through to another room. We gratefully went through to the next room to be told that although there were plenty of doctors, there were no spare rooms for an examination. Now I'mm all for the NHS usually but at this point I'd be lying if I said I wasn't becoming incredibly frustrated. The sense of urgency when they told me to 'hurry in' seemed a stark contrast to the long wait when we arrived at the hospital. Our small talk ran out, Steve bought us a newspaper and a magazine but it was hard to focus. Sentences were left hanging in the air: "What would we say to Ben...?" There were no answers. Another hour crawled past.

Finally a doctor took us through. He was warm and had a kind face. He gently did an internal examination and told us that, despite the bleeding, all looked well. The relief was immense but I could still barely believe it. Then, he gave us an ultrasound and we saw our baby: one arm behind it's head and sucking it's thumb. 

It was moving. It was alive. 

The doctor spent 25 minutes showing us our baby's organs, watching it dance around, seemingly waving at us. 

I am aware that not all women have such relief and last night we counted our blessings several times over. The colder weather doesn't bother me, none of the more 'challenging' students I teach seemed difficult and the tiredness etc of pregnancy seem like a blessing. 

Today I stare at my growing bump with a huge sense of relief as well as love. Our baby is safe (and if you're interested, we didn't find out but we're both convinced that 'it' had the organs that suggested it's a 'he'- time will tell)!xxx